I’m sick and I’m tired …really I am!!!

I’m sick, yeah no kidding right? I have RA spondylosis and osteoarthritis….today I am tired of it!!!

Sunday I ran 3 miles and felt great! Today I ran 2 miles and felt very step in my hips, feet, back, hands and shoulders. Yes I am complaining! Yes I am human yes today I hate arthritis.  I am two weeks away from my next infusion! I am wondering how horrible I will feel in two weeks. I am exhausted despite the hours of sleep, how hydrated I am or how clean I eat! I feel like I felt pre diagnosis!

Sleeping is painful, walking is painful, getting up from sitting painful, typing this- hurts- cooking hurts- I was writing this weekend and had to break so many times it was ridiculous! My goodness I am a complainer today!!!!

What is my point? Why am I crying and whining? Because THIS is RA!!! It’s not pretty! Sometimes it really shows its ugly head. It never goes away it’s always there and unless you have it usually you don’t understand. I don’t look sick on the outside but I’m burning and hurting on the inside. I’m smiling and doing all I can to live “normally” and pushing myself beyond my comfort zone to try and stay ahead of this deteriorating disease. I work, I cook, I clean, I exercise, I live, laugh and love. I don’t show the pain because it’s not going away, I suit up I show up and I move on, forward hoping one day there will be a cure for all those who suffer with disease.

Don’t misunderstand, I am beyond grateful for my life, my pain, my disease for I know there are those who suffer greater than I can ever imagine. BUT the pain I know is mine and mine alone to bear….I think most days I work to hard to just be normal for you, so you don’t know I’m sick or having a bad day, when really I’m just me living life the best way I know how…..and how can anyone else understand that???? Days like today come and go….they always will….but for today I’m just sick and tired and that’s ok!